8/13/1964 - 10/26/2018
Where do I begin, I will start off by telling you that my mother is my heart, my lifeline, and my guardian angel. My mother was nurturing, hardworking, and supportive, shell give her last to anyone as well as made sure you were never hungry or in need. Her heart was genuine she gave more love out than she got back in return. My mother would jump to make sacrifices for those who would never do it for her. I hated that I never understood that concept. No matter how much I complained she always just remained who she was just her true genuine, loving, caring self. Even during the darkest of those times, she made sure my head was up. My mother was big on being strong, smart, and intelligent. She taught us to lead and not follow as well as to have a mind of our own. During her life raising three children, although there were doubts, downfalls, rainy days, and pain endured she never gave up. She made things happen and never made excuses.
Watching the casket close on the person you love the most which for me is my mother is like being swallowed whole. The walls close in on you, you can't breathe and you feel your heart and soul physically melt away. Yes, I know I'm supposed to be stronger than this, but this kind of pain cannot be repaired. The pain is really indescribable. Mentally it just seems like I'm cracking, I become emotionally unstable and suicidal from time to time. I did manage to heal from the guilt I felt. I did everything I could do during those times, no everything wasn't perfect things could have been better, but when your appointed legal guardianship over your mother's life not knowing what the outcomes will be things mentally hit differently. You are the one the doctors and nurses call, you are the one who has to sign off on those dotted lines for procedures and final decisions, and you are the one who gets that call when the curtain has closed. I do everything I can to hold it together. Rather it's taking time for myself, hobbies, music, and laughing. Those tasks are only temporary, but progress is progress on this journey to healing my heart.
At that moment in time, my whole life changed in an instant and my entire world turned upside down.
I never imagined my mother would be gone at 53 yrs old in great health.
In April 2017, she was involved in a hit-and-run car accident while heading to work. The collision resulted in my mother being left to die as she lay unresponsive in her vehicle after crashing into a tree. She was in a coma in ICU on life support, she suffered 4 cardiac arrests, a severed spleen, and a spinal cord injury that left her paralyzed from the neck down. I had a decision to make and I had to make it fast. She needed to get her spleen repaired quickly to prevent a rupture and spinal cord surgery to repair her spine to try to reverse the paralysis. With her heart only beating less than 10% there was a strong chance that she could pass away during surgery. I am a strong believer that doctors do not have the final say, I know the strength and resilience of my mother and knew in my heart she would pull through. As I wait in agony the doctor came out to inform us that both surgeries were a success and she would have a long recovery if she pulls through. Two days later I was told that my mother was not showing signs of brain activity, she is not breathing on her own, she is unresponsive and her heart isn't making progress. I was informed she would most likely awaken a vegetable with memory loss. The doctor handed me the DNR documents and suggested I take her off life support. I refused to fold, giving up was not an option.
After 48 hours not only did her heart start pumping over 50% and breathing on her own, she was awake in bed looking around and asking questions. The doctors were in shock and told me it is a miracle she made a complete turnaround! I wasn't shocked not one bit I knew my mother wasn't going to give up. Eventually, my mother was moved from ICU to the step-down unit. She had all of her range of motion, talked and laughed, and was able to drink and eat soft foods. It was time for a road to recovery which consisted of physical and occupational therapy. At the time I was living in a one-bedroom apartment so I could not bring her home immediately, also she had an IV still in place for antibiotics. My mother was enrolled in a short-term rehabilitation center. I visited as much as I could, but when no one was around my mother was severely neglected and experienced medical malpractice. She was there less than two months. I got a phone call from the director of nursing at the rehab stating my mother is being sent out to the hospital. When I arrived at the hospital my mother was in ICU with three pressure ulcers at stage four, malnourished, a bone infection, a UTI, and an infection in her bloodstream. I was informed that in another day or so she would have died at the rehab because her condition was so bad.
Welcome to the downfall......
My mother's conditon was so bad she lost her ability to walk the condition only left her bed-bound longer which caused her physical abilities to decline. After everything, she endured we end up here!! She was supposed to have physical therapy so she can come home. We remained positive and continued to stay strong through the setback. Along the way, we experienced more setbacks, neglect, and medical malpractice incidents occurred. Yes, I made reports to the state nothing happened. The system in its entirety failed my mother. I was cleared to bring my mom home. My husband and I moved into a two-bedroom. With my medical experience and the help of my husband, sister, and niece as well as homecare we were able to provide her with the best care, comfort, and love we can give. It was one of the hardest most stressful times of our life. My mother lost her ability to walk. I was able to get her to a point where she can drink and feed herself. We had to maintain medications, vitals, wound care, trach care, feeding tude, colostomy bag, and foley catheter care. As you can see the medical staff ruined my mom!
Things were going as best they could with everything that was going on. Family members even decided it was nice to send adult protective services to our home to get my mom taken away and thrown back into the same system that damaged her. How Great!! Mission failed, adult protective services popped up to a clean, safe, healthy environment. My mother had all of her personal care completed, her linens were cleaned, and her bandages were changed. She was snacking comfortably watching tv. He questioned my mom and she cleared up all the lies and allegations that were made up. He complimented us on the great job we were doing and left.
Sadly my mother's overall condition just seemed to not progress and she just declined slowly. She was later enrolled in a very great hospice facility where she gained her wings to fly.!
Moral of my story...
If you make a commitment to work in the medical field. DO YOUR DAMN JOB!!! There is a lack of integrity and dignity. It's a shame how people's family members are neglected and mistreated. Many have lost their lives. Unfortunately, it will never end. From my own personal experience working in the field, I realized it is more about keeping the beds full than care being provided and facilities hiring anybody with a certificate who is not qualified or even cares about the patients. I don't wish this experience on anyone. If you have family in a facility visiting every day and family support is much needed.
It took a lot of strength to tell this story this way. Hopefully, it can help someone else.
💔💖Mama, I love and miss you dearly!!
Thank You
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